


The Sky is Ours

by warqueenfuriosa



Series: Pretty Boy, Don't Be Shy [3]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Drama, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Reader-Insert, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-08
Updated: 2017-03-08
Packaged: 2018-09-30 22:21:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10173671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/warqueenfuriosa/pseuds/warqueenfuriosa
Summary: Bodhi refuses to take Reader off world anymore for fear of putting her in danger again but Reader finally manages to convince him for one more flight among the stars.





	

It was well after midnight when I found Bodhi sitting on the floor of his ship, the log recorder scattered all around him as he sorted through the parts to piece it back together. The past four months had been rough on him, called away for assignment after assignment with little or no break in between. He’d even been caught in a handful of skirmishes here and there which left his nerves singed to a crisp.

I almost didn’t want to interrupt him now and I thought about walking away. He needed quiet, unhurried moments like this, but he also needed to sleep and it looked like that wasn’t going to happen as long as he was lost in his tinkering. I gave him another minute or two of peace before I tapped on the ship’s door lightly so I didn’t startle him.

“Hi,” I whispered.

He glanced up with a smile, a little soft around the edges with fatigue, but his eyes were bright and he didn’t look weighed down or burdened.

“Hi,” he replied.

I stepped into the ship and came up behind him, draping one arm over his shoulder as my other hand slipped through his hair. He leaned back against my knees with a sigh and closed his eyes.

“It’s almost two in the morning, you know,” I said.

He tilted his head up to look at me. “Really?”

I nodded. He rubbed at his cheek and sat up a little straighter, focusing on the log recorder again.

“I’ll just finish this up and get to bed.”

I shook my head and settled on the floor behind him. He wasn’t going anywhere until that recorder was done which would likely be a few more hours yet and I might as well keep him company for a while. I wrapped my arms around him, hooked my legs around his waist, and rested my cheek against his back. Without looking away from what he was doing, he idly rested his hand on my thigh, easy and familiar.

“When can we go off world again?” I said.

Bodhi only hummed in response and patted around on the floor of the ship for a screwdriver. I picked it up and pressed it into his hand.

“That’s not an answer, flyboy,” I said gently. “Just like the last half a dozen times I’ve asked you.”

He shrugged, his entire body rising and falling in my arms. “It’s been busy around here. I haven’t had the time to get away.”

“Do you have any assignments for tomorrow?”

Bodhi hesitated. “No…”

“Then let’s go tomorrow. It doesn’t have to be all day. Just a few hours to a moon with a picnic lunch or something.”

Again, Bodhi made that small hum in the back of his throat, like he was purposefully keeping himself distracted from looking at me or properly answering.

“If you don’t say anything,” I said, “I’ll take that as a yes.”

He sighed. “Maybe.”

That answer should have been enough to satisfy me, especially since it was more than the typical, blanket “no” that I had been getting these days. But it felt…expected, rehearsed. Like he knew it was the answer that would make me stop pestering him.

“Bodhi?” I said softly.

“Yes, love?”

“Every time I bring up going off world you get all…quiet. More so than usual. And I’m concerned.”

Bodhi slid his hand down my thigh and slipped his fingers behind my knee, his thumb brushing back and forth over my leg. I could tell he was thinking, weighing his words before he responded. So he wasn’t going to be completely open with me but at least I’d get more than a non-committal noise that could be entirely left open to interpretation.

“I don’t know that it’s a good idea to leave base right now,” he said.

“Why?”

“The war is getting worse. People feel very…strongly about where their loyalties lie. I think it’s best if you stayed on base for a while until things cooled down. I’d feel better anyway.”

Tension in my muscles slid away, tension I didn’t even realize I’d been holding, preparing for an argument. But what he said made sense. He was worried about me, that was all this was.

“You could have told me that before, flyboy,” I teased. “I’ve been bugging you about it for weeks and you didn’t say anything.”

“I didn’t want to disappoint you. I know how much you like going off world.”

“That’s very sweet of you but still. I’m a big girl. I can handle a little disappointment.”

“You’re not upset?” he asked, tentatively, a bare whisper in the stillness.

I tightened my hold on him and tucked my chin over his shoulder.

“Well, if we’re being honest here, it helps that I’m finally getting a few minutes with you now. That’s all I ever need in the first place, flyboy. Just you. Off world is a convenient excuse to keep the rest of the base from stealing you away from me.”

He tipped his head towards me and hummed again, a different hum, low and content, deep in his chest.

I let Bodhi focus on his work again, offering an extra hand when it was necessary, but most of the time, I sat there in comfortable silence with him and neither of us needed anything more than that. When the words fell away, that’s when Bodhi blossomed, when I felt his guard melt, slow and steady, until he was loose in my arms, completely at ease.

After a few minutes, I couldn’t help nudging at his ear with my nose, just to tickle him a little and make him smile. When I didn’t see him for days, even weeks at a time, I had a habit of touching him distractedly, drawing comfort from the smooth warmth of his skin in the few precious moments I had with him before he had to leave again.

But then Bodhi turned his head, looking for some tool or spare part, and my lips grazed the curve of his neck, partly by accident, but mostly on purpose.

“I don’t think so, love,” he said without breaking his attention away from his work.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You didn’t have to. When you want something, you’re not exactly subtle about it.”

I sank my teeth into his shoulder with a playful bite and ducked my fingers under the hem of his shirt to slide up his chest. He inhaled, his ribs contracting away from me.

“Then what do I want, flyboy?”

His heart beat sped up beneath my fingertips, butterfly fast and frantic. Even after months of teasing him, I could still get his pulse racing.

“I don’t need to tell you that,” he mumbled.

“Can’t hear you.”

“I said you know what you want, I don’t need to tell you.”

“Tell me anyway.”

“No.”

I could practically feel the blushing heat creeping up his neck and across his cheeks.

“Come on, Bodhi. Please?”

He groaned and bowed his head. I stifled a laugh against his back.

“You want us to sleep in the ship and it’s still a no,” he said grudgingly.

“It sounds so innocent when you say it that way. Like we’ll braid each other’s hair and giggle over cute boys. Maybe throw in a pillow fight for good measure.”

“You’re an awful person,” he said, but I could hear the smile in his voice.

I caught his earlobe in my teeth and he hitched his shoulder up.

“It’s not happening, love.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He huffed a laugh and swore softly under his breath.

“I am not having sex with you in my ship,” he said, whispering over his shoulder even though we were the only ones around to hear.

“Aren’t you the least bit curious to try it just once?”

“Not even a little. I’m the one who has to keep a straight face when I’m carting people and supplies all over the galaxy, trying not to think about what we were doing in here.”

“No one would find out. I won’t tell anyone and I know you won’t either.”

“You’re right because it’s _not happening.”_

“You’re such a stick in the mud,” I said with a kiss to his cheek. “I thought you hated disappointing me.”

“Oh, no, no, no,” he said, shaking his head and turning away. “Don’t do that. Do _not_ make me feel guilty. I’m not listening.”

“Pretty please?”

“Not. Listening.”

My hands strayed to the waistband of his pants. Bodhi dropped the log recorder with a whispered “Jesus Christ” and grabbed my hands, holding them a safe distance away from him.

“Stop,” he growled, as much as he could growl, which wasn’t much more than a mumble and not the slightest bit threatening. “I don’t want anyone walking in on us. Especially K-Two. He’d tell the whole base and I’d never be able to show my face around here again.”

I laughed and squeezed his hands, placing a kiss between his shoulder blades.

“It wouldn’t be that bad, Bodhi. Plenty of other people do it.”

“Well I don’t.”

“Fine, you win. For now.”

“Thank you, love.”

“But I’ll get you to cave eventually.”

“Oh god,” he groaned.

[][][]

A few weeks later, I had taken a small droid outside for repairs and settled under a tree off to the side of the landing pad. A light breeze swept up and the sunshine was blissfully warm compared to the crammed docking pay or the musty, oily droid repair room.

Bodhi crossed the landing pad at a jog. “I was wondering where you’d disappeared to.”

I peered up at him, shading my eyes against the glare of the sun. “Is something wrong?”

He shook his head. “No. Thought I’d let you know that I’m headed out with Cassian. We should be back before dinner. It’s no big deal.”

“Where are you going?”

“A small moon where a few Rebels have been stationed. Dropping off supplies and coming right back. Shouldn’t take more than a couple of hours.”

I wiped my greasy hands on my pants and stood. “That sounds pretty mundane. I know we wouldn’t be alone but maybe I could…tag along?”

I shouldn’t have to invite myself and I shoved away the awkward prickle in my stomach, forced myself to look Bodhi in the eye. But Bodhi’s gaze slid sideways.

“Or…not,” I said.

Bodhi glanced up, an apology already taking shape in his eyes and forming on his tongue.

“It’s safer for you here, love,” he said.

“You just said it’s no big deal.”

“Yes but…”

“Bodhi,” I said, a little sharper than I intended for it to sound.

Bodhi tensed, his eyes wary, and I hated putting that look on his face.

“What are you not telling me?” I said.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s obvious you’re hiding something. I’ve tried not to push. I’ve tried to give you space and let you tell me when you’re ready. I know you want to protect me and keep me safe but I really don’t like being in the dark here.”

He sighed and studied the toes of his boots for a moment before he spoke again, so softly I had to lean forward to hear him.

“I’ve taken you off world only twice,” he said. “And both times, we ran into trouble.”

“It’s not like it’s going to be a routine. It was a fluke, that’s all.”

Still, he wouldn’t look at me, he wouldn’t raise his voice and he spoke only in the direction of the ground.

“I won’t risk a third time, love,” he whispered.

A flame of irritation sprang up, licking at my ribs as I realized what he was saying.

“So before,” I said, “when you told me to wait, when you said it was too dangerous because of the war, that was a lie?”

Bodhi flinched, the muscles in his neck went taut, his shoulders hitched a little higher, curling in on himself.

“No, not exactly. That part is true.”

“But not the whole truth.”

He closed his eyes and pressed his lips together.

“You were putting me off, Bodhi,” I said quietly, struggling to keep my frustration in check. “You told me to wait until things cooled down. But you really meant never going off world again, didn’t you?”

“Yes,” he said, slowly, like the word caused physical pain as he tore it from his throat. “I didn’t know how to tell you without…hurting you.”

“Lying hurts me.”

He finally looked up and there was nothing but misery written across his face. His gaze trailed down to my hand but he didn’t reach out, instead stuffing his hands in his pockets. And we stood there, suffocating in the silence, twelve inches close and yet miles apart.

The sting of disappointment burned hotter than I cared to admit. It wasn’t the fact that I had to stay behind while Bodhi traveled this huge galaxy freely. And it wasn’t the lie, though that did leave an unpleasant grit in the back of my throat. Going off world with him, it made him smile, it put him at ease which rarely happened on base. It got him away from this war and responsibilities and the things always demanding so much of his energy and his happiness. I didn’t want to let that go. I didn’t want to see that taken away from him or me.

Before I could say anything more, Bodhi stepped back, putting even more cavernous space between us.

“I have to go,” he said. “I’m really sorry, love.”

Bodhi never left without saying goodbye, without a reassuring squeeze of my hand or a brief kiss to promise that he’d be back and nothing would change, everything would be fine. But he did this time. I was left with only the sour taste of those tart words I’d thrown at him, colored with frustration, blackened by the impact of well-meaning lies, but lies nonetheless.

[][][]

With dinner only an hour away, Bodhi was due back any minute. I didn’t like the way things sat between us. I never wanted him to feel like he had to lie to keep me happy, but I hadn’t handled the truth well either which wasn’t fair to him. He simply stood there and took it without a single shot fired back because he refused to cause me harm.

That’s all Bodhi ever wanted. To keep me safe, keep me from getting hurt.

I had just finished up the last repair for the day – a weak thruster wouldn’t fire correctly – and as I was packing my tools away, a hand caught my elbow and my heart skipped. Bodhi had come back and we could sort it all out…

Jyn. Not Bodhi. _Without_ Bodhi. Jyn was the one standing before me and the grim look on her face was enough to tell me everything I dreaded.

I never allowed myself to think of the possibility of this moment. No matter how many times Bodhi waded into the depths of war, I told myself he was coming back. I never imagined one of his fellow soldiers standing in his place, shoulders bowed by the weight of the news they carried. The helpless whisper of _I’m sorry for your loss_ in the grief that followed, a crushing wake.

“No,” I rasped. “He can’t be…”

I couldn’t finish, couldn’t say the word. I’d said too many words already, words that had pushed Bodhi away when I shouldn’t have said them at all, not when they would be the last things he heard from me.

I couldn’t breathe, doubled over, hands on my knees as I struggled against the roaring hollow in my chest.

Jyn put her hands on my shoulders.

“He’s alive,” she said. “For now, he’s alive.”

I still couldn’t get a good breath but I stood up a little straighter to look her in the eye, to make sure I’d heard her right.

“What happened?” I managed to say past the tightness in my throat.

“Sit down for a – “

“Tell me. Please.”

She took a deep breath. “Cassian and Bodhi picked up a distress signal from a Rebel ship on their way back to base. Turned out the ship had been hijacked and they were ambushed.”

“By who?” But I already knew the answer as soon as the question left my lips.

“That Devronian you two keep running into.”

“Oh god,” I croaked, doubled over my knees again. “The last time we saw him was nine months ago. I thought that was over.”

Jyn squeezed my shoulder. “Devronian pride is fragile and temperamental at best and they take grudges to the extreme.”

“I guess an apology won’t resolve things then.”

“If only it were that easy. He wants Bodhi and you. Probably to mount your heads on sticks.”

A surge of nausea rocketed up my throat and I groaned. “Thank you, Jyn, for that lovely image I didn’t need.”

“Sorry,” she said with a grimace.

“If he wants me and Bodhi, why does he have Cassian too?”

Jyn let her hands slide away from me. I could see the tension in the rigid line of her shoulders, the uneasy way she shifted. She wanted him back as much as I wanted Bodhi back.

“That might be part of the plan,” she said.

I rubbed at my forehead, confused. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying we don’t have the whole picture. The Devronian has proposed a trade. Cassian for you.”

“Then let’s go. Trade me. At least get one of them out of there while we have the chance.”

“Even if we did, which we won’t, why would he give up Cassian? He’s a war hero, just like Bodhi. This Devronian has the opportunity to let the whole galaxy watch as he breaks these men who have become living symbols of bravery.”

I closed my eyes, swaying in place.

“This is a trick too,” Jyn continued. “Same as the ambush. We’re not trading you. We’ll negotiate with him and if that doesn’t work, we’ll have to use force but one way or the other, we’re getting them home.”

I pressed my palms to my eyes and took in a shaky breath. “All of this because of a bruised ego?”

“This might have started with you and Bodhi,” she said, “but he was just waiting for an excuse to get his foot in the door. The Devronians didn’t want war and making an example of heroes is some twisted way to prove their point.” Her voice softened the slightest bit. “It could have happened to any of us. Sounds too simple to put it that way but it’s true.”

“Do you think…?”

I trailed off, not quite sure I was ready to put that thought into words. The thought that maybe if I’d kept my mouth shut on Corellia the way Bodhi had asked me to, there wouldn’t be targets plastered all over us.

“No,” Jyn said.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You didn’t have to. This isn’t your fault.”

“But – “

“If Cassian and I had been on Corellia and that asshole said the same thing, I would have done exactly what you did. Like I said, it could have happened to any of us.”

“Then why doesn’t it feel like I did the right thing?” I asked quietly.

“It rarely does.”

I nodded then dropped my gaze to the floor, still trying to push the weight of guilt off my chest so I could catch my breath. My heart hadn’t stopped jackhammering at my rib cage either, along with the flutter of panic twisting my stomach into a thousand knots.

“I need to go with you,” I said.

“No,” Jyn said. “I came to tell you what’s going on but you’re staying here. We’ll get him back, safe and sound.”

She turned and started off. As I watched her retreating back, the words were out before I could even think about it.

“I told Bodhi that he hurt me,” I said, my voice trembling as I wrestled to maintain my composure. I had to prove I could keep it together, despite how terrified I was.

Jyn stopped and turned around, waiting.

“That’s the last thing…” I broke off when my voice cracked. I cleared my throat and tried again. “I knew he never meant to. I knew he was protecting me. But that was the last thing I said to him.”

Jyn’s lips tightened.

“He might be in bad shape,” she said.

“I know,” I whispered.

She swore under her breath and looked away before she faced me again.

“Fine, but I’m only agreeing to this because you…” She hesitated and her voice dropped. “You’re good for him. You’ve made him happy when he wasn’t for a long time.”

I nodded, biting the inside of my cheek to hold back the pinprick of tears I couldn’t let fall, not when Jyn was so tentatively allowing me to tag along even though I shouldn’t.

“But stay in the ship,” she continued, “and do exactly as I say. We’re leaving in five minutes. If you’re not on the landing pad, I’m not waiting.”

“Understood.”

She studied me for a moment, took a step to leave before she stopped one last time.

“Fix it with him,” she said, not a command, but not a suggestion either. It was an insistence, a warning, to avoid the crushing blow of a lifetime of regret if I didn’t make things right. “As soon as you can.”

“I will. Trust me, I will.”

[][][]

Nothing but smoky gray fog shrouded the moon’s surface. I stayed in the ship, tucked behind the pilot’s seat as I peered out the windshield, watching as Rogue One talked to the Devronian and four others flanking him, the lights from the ship behind him barely visible in the soupy, humid atmosphere. Cassian stood between two male Devronians, his wrists handcuffed in front of him, a wicked purple bruise blossoming across his right cheek bone.

The negotiations were too far away for me to hear what was going on but I wasn’t holding out much hope for cooperation and a peaceful resolution to this whole mess.

And Bodhi was nowhere in sight. I just needed to see him, to check if he was okay…or not okay, which was probably more likely.

It happened so fast, I barely remembered afterwards whether I heard the blast before I felt it. A burst of noise, deafening like thunder sent the floor into a fit of shivers beneath my feet. Then the ship was tossed nose up in the air and I caught a flash of sky, a sliver of light from the suns swathed in gauzy mist. For a moment, I was airborne, floating, weightless, before the ship hit the ground again, the wall crumpling and folding in on itself like a stack of playing cards. And I plummeted, every nut, bolt, and seam of the ship imprinted on my back from the force of my fall, the wind knocked out of my lungs until all I could do was gasp.

Through the roaring in my ears, I could barely hear sharp shouts outside, commands barked back and forth. As I lay there, stunned, fighting to get my breath back despite the burn in my lungs, threads of smoke curled in through the shattered windshield like fingers. The stench of the atmosphere, like rotten fish, poured in with it, making it impossible to get a deep breath. I picked my way through the windshield, pulling my sleeves down over my hands to protect my palms from the broken glass until I rolled and hit the ground, sucking in lungfuls of rotten fish smell and thick, wet air.

Rogue One was being herded into the Devronian ship, weapons trained on them. Jyn was right. This had been a trap, a setup from the start, and we’d walked straight into it. Our ship’s engine had been destroyed and we were stranded, entirely at the Devronians’ mercy.

As I pushed myself to my feet, staying low to not draw attention to myself, a hand clamped on the back of my neck and I went rigid. A Devronian female pushed me towards the ramp of the ship with Jyn and the others.

I skidded to a stop at the entrance of the ship as the Devronian smiled, slow and triumphant over our mistake.

“Take her to the holding cell with the other one,” he said.

The female squeezed my shoulder in a death grip as she half-dragged me down a corridor to a line of cells. She opened the door of the last holding cell on the line and yanked on my arm, sending me stumbling inside before she shut the door.

The room was too warm and close, stuffy from lack of air and the lingering stink of fish. The only light was from the hallway, just a sliver, peeking under the door. But it was enough to see the figure on the floor, lying so still my heart ricocheted in my chest.

 “Bodhi?” I whispered, crouching next to him, carefully touching his shoulder.

When he didn’t respond, my fingers settled at his neck. A pulse fluttered beneath his skin, steady and even. I slid to the floor, easing his head into my lap as gently as I could and my hands shook as I smoothed his hair back.

“I’m so sorry I got upset with you,” I said, my voice shaking with relief. “I knew you were keeping me safe from this and I’m so, so sorry.”

Bodhi shifted with a groan and his eyes drifted open. For a moment, his gaze fell on me, confused and relieved at once. Then his gaze drifted past me to the walls of the cell and his breath hitched, caught in his throat.

“What…where are we?” he said.

“You and Cassian were ambushed,” I said.

He scrambled to his feet, touching the walls as he paced. “I remember that. Then the…Devronian hit me over the head…and…you.” He stopped, turned to face me. “You were on base. Why are you here? What did he do to you, love?”

His words were running together so fast, I could barely make sense of anything he was saying. I took his hands to make him stop moving, make him focus on me.

“He wanted a trade,” I said. “Me for Cassian.”

“No one would have agreed to that.”

“They didn’t. The ship was attacked. Jyn suspected it was a trap all along and she…she warned me but I had to come anyway, to make sure you were all right.”

His breathing had reduced to short, shallow hiccups now. At any second, if he didn’t calm down, he was likely to pass out.

“I…can’t,” he croaked.

“Can’t what?” I said.

“Breathe.”

“Okay, just…close your eyes.”

For a moment, it almost seemed as if he would refuse but he finally closed his eyes and his grip on my hands tightened even more until my fingers were numb. His face crumpled and he shook his head.

“Not working,” he said. “Really not working.”

He opened his eyes, looking over the tiny room again. I tugged on his hands, redirecting his attention to me.

“How about we sit for a minute?” I said.

I didn’t let go of his hand as I sat with my back to the wall, and pulled him down to sit next to me. He covered his eyes with one hand and bent over his knees, sucking in one strangled breath after another. I wrapped my arm around his back and leaned into him.

“It’s like…like Jedha all…all over again,” Bodhi said, fighting to breathe and talk at the same time.

“Jedha?” I said. “I don’t understand. You’ve never told me about that before.”

“Before Scarif,” he mumbled.

“Oh.”

“I’d been…locked in this cell for…hours. I don’t know how long. It was so dark and small, it felt like I was…suffocating. And I couldn’t even think after the bor gullet and…”

I sat there in silence, listening to him ramble. I’d never heard him run on like this before, never seen him vibrating with so much bound up nervous energy, about to collapse in on himself like a star and implode.

I moved in front of him, my hands resting on his knees. “Bodhi, stop, look at me.”

Bodhi raised his head, his eyes wild and frantic as he pried at the collar of his shirt, as if that would help him breathe.

“We’re going home,” I said. “I’ll stay on base like you told me to. And I’ll be the most outrageous flirt in front of everyone to make you blush like crazy no matter how much you beg me to stop. K-Two will be disgusted and you’ll wonder why the hell you put up with me in the first place because I’m such a pain in the ass.”

He managed a fragile laugh and I pushed between his knees, taking his hand and placing it at my waist.

“I’d never think that,” he said quietly, pulling me closer.

I slid my arms around him, my face tucked in against his neck. “Better?”

He let out a shaky exhale and nodded. “A little.”

I smiled. “It’ll be okay, flyboy.”

He sighed and wrapped his arms around me a little tighter.

The screech of metal sent us both scrambling to our feet as the door opened. The Devronian’s figure was like a black scar, silhouetted against pale yellow light behind him.

“You,” he said, pointing at me. “Move it.”

“No,” Bodhi said, his voice strong despite the rigid tension in his body. He put an arm out to push me behind him and I caught his hand in both of mine. “You’re not taking her.”

The Devronian growled with annoyance and stomped into the cell. Bodhi backed up, crowding me between himself and the wall.

“Yes I am,” the Devronian said. “She has a special guest waiting for her.” He bared his teeth in a predatory smile. “An old friend of yours. In some places, like Jedha, the bor gullet is useful for extracting information from uncooperative individuals such as yourself.”

Bodhi sucked in a small breath through his teeth. I squeezed his hand.

“But where I come from,” the Devronian continued. “Well, they’re just plain hungry and they don’t stop until their host is nothing but a vegetable.”

He shouldered his way past Bodhi and took me by the wrist. Bodhi wedged himself between me and the Devronian in an attempt to break off his grip but the Devronian was too big, too forceful. He shoved Bodhi in the chest, prying him away from me. And I saw the panic in Bodhi’s eyes, felt the desperate curl of his fingertips as he tried to hold on. He had only a second, less than that, before I would be out of reach completely. He pushed by the Devronian and caught my face in his hands.

“I love you,” he said in a rush. “I love you so much and I’m so, so sorry.”

“Enough!” The Devronian barked. He snapped his elbow into Bodhi’s face, sending him stumbling back a step. The Devronian yanked on me so hard, I was ripped right out of Bodhi’s hands and the cell door clanged shut between us.

The Devronian steered me out of the cell and into a small storage room with a crate near the door, rattling and hissing. I recoiled as he wrapped his fingers around my throat and pushed me into a chair, strapped my hands and feet in place.

“Consider this an honor,” he said. “Your friends will be the one to hear you scream for hours and they won’t be able to do a thing about it. But you…you’re going to be the first one rendered senseless and you won’t hear them suffer. I’d say that makes you lucky.”

“I don’t feel lucky,” I replied, my voice sounding stronger than I felt, “seeing your ugly face around every corner like a damn cockroach.”

He raised an eyebrow, amused. “You won’t be able to string two words together in a few minutes, thank the stars for that.”

The Devronian took a step back until he was standing next to the side of the crate. My heart thumped painfully against my sternum and my throat went dry as he reached for the lid. But before he could pull the lid aside, a report of blaster fire sang in the small room. I flinched, my shoulders hitched up around my ears.

The Devronian dropped face down at my feet.

Bodhi stood at the entrance of the hold, one eye already swollen shut from taking an elbow to the face. He stared at the Devronian then at the blaster in his hand and he tossed it aside like it burned him. He skirted around the crate, pressing himself to the wall, before he reached my side, fumbling to get me unstrapped.

“How did you…?” I started.

“Jyn had reinforcements on standby,” he said, his words jumpy with adrenaline. “Half the base is out there waiting to take us home, love.”

As soon as the last of the straps fell away from my wrists, I was on my feet at the same time that Bodhi helped me out of the chair. I wrapped my arms around his neck and I could feel his whole body shaking so hard, he could barely stand. He swayed forward a step and put out a hand to steady himself against the chair.

“Are you okay?” he said. “Did he hurt you?”

“No, I’m fine. Please just…get me out of here.”

[][][]

For the entire flight back to base, Bodhi never let go of my hand.

I had so many questions about what happened, especially what went on in that cell, but I didn’t ask Bodhi any of them. The questions could burn and itch at me all they wanted to. I wasn’t going to ask him, not after seeing him so rattled.

A month later, I finally got a small, tentative smile out of Bodhi and it gave me just enough hope to ask one tiny question. I was repairing a battery regulator when Bodhi’s hand slid up my back, feather light and familiar. I jerked with surprise and bumped my head on the ship before I straightened up to look at him.

“Didn’t mean to startle you,” he said. He spoke so quietly now, much quieter than usual, preoccupied with the memories he couldn’t escape.

“It’s all right, Bodhi. No harm done.”

He studied me for a moment, his gaze steady and even, before he brushed his thumb across my cheek without a hint of hesitancy. The slightest ghost of a smile tipped the corner of his mouth up and I sucked in a breath of relief.

“Just a little grease,” he said.

I smeared my greasy hands over both of my cheeks. “You missed a spot.”

And he _laughed_. By the stars, he laughed for the first time since we got back from that hellish moon. He stepped closer, sliding his hands to either side of my face, his thumbs smoothing over my cheeks too lightly to make a serious attempt at removing the grease this time. I curled my hand over his wrist and rose up on tiptoe to kiss him.

“Can I ask you something?” I said.

A flicker of wariness flashed in his eyes but he nodded anyway.

“Could we…maybe…still have flying lessons every once in a while?”

He opened his mouth to protest but I rushed on.

“Not off world. We’d stay close to Yavin Four. No more than an hour, tops.”

He almost looked like he would continue to protest so I kept talking.

“But if you say no, I’ll understand. I won’t be upset or hurt. I promise.”

“Are you done, love?” he said with a gentle teasing tone that made my heart skyrocket.

I nodded.

“As long as we stay close to Yavin Four, that would be fine.”

“You’re not just saying that to make me feel better?”

“I’m saying it because it’s true. I’m between assignments now, if you want to head out.”

“Yes! Yes, let me…I’ll go wash my face real quick.” I started off then turned back to kiss his cheek. “Thank you, flyboy.”

[][][]

After I cleaned up and hurried back to the landing pad, Bodhi guided me through take off until the base was a speck of dust in the distance and the canvas of stars stretched out before us. Bodhi switched the engine to idle so we floated, the silence soft and easy without the thrum of the thrusters in the background.

“Go ahead, love,” Bodhi whispered as he fiddled with buttons and knobs on the console, tracing over them with his fingers as an excuse not to look at me.

“And do…what?” I said.

“Ask all those questions you’ve been so carefully holding back for my sake.”

I reached across and took his hand. “I don’t need to. I want to, sure, but only because curiosity gets the better of me. But you clearly don’t want to talk about it so I’m not going to ask.”

He sighed and tugged on my hand as a silent invitation. I climbed out of my seat and into his lap facing him, my back to the emptiness of space, the stars reflected perfect and bright in his eyes.

“I was kept in prison on Jedha for a while,” he said slowly, softly.

I brushed my thumb over his bottom lip. “You don’t have to tell me, Bodhi.”

“I’d like to. I need to.”

I nodded. “Then I’m listening.”

He told me everything. The nightmare of Jedha, losing his mind, the trapped, claustrophobic panic of his prison cell, watching his home crumble. He told me about the bor gullet and the way he can still feel it in his mind sometimes like a parasite he can never flush out. And when he reached that point, he didn’t stop.  He told me about Scarif too, about the horrors he saw, the sheer terror coursing through his veins, the people who fell by his side while he was left standing.

As he spoke, he kept his eyes closed, his hands at my hips, fingertips digging into my skin to hold the tremors at bay, to ground himself in the reality of now while he relived the past. When he was finished, he frowned and ducked his head.

“Thank you for telling me,” I whispered as I kissed the top of his head.

Without a word, Bodhi slid his arms around me, his face tucked against my shoulder. I didn’t say anything for a while, allowing him time to compose himself, before I pulled away.

“Do you see this, Bodhi?” I said. “All these stars?”

He nodded.

“No matter what happens to either of us anywhere else in the galaxy, this ship and these stars, they’ll always be for you and me. The sky is ours.”

“That’s why you asked for the flying lesson?” he said, his voice a little rough around the edges.

“You’re always happy here,” I said. “And I know it won’t…well, it doesn’t fix anything really, but…”

“It helps,” he said.

“Yeah?” I said, hopeful.

“Floating out here, it makes everything so much…smaller.” He trailed the back of his knuckles along my jawline as he rested his forehead against mine. “Thank you, love.”

[][][]

The hour passed too quickly and yet neither one of us had moved or spoken. Bodhi’s fingers traced lazy patterns across my back as I curled up against his chest, my hand resting over his heart. I had long ago learned to tell the difference between Bodhi’s silences, his thoughtful quiet, his troubled quiet, and the way he was quiet now, calm and relaxed.

The radio buzzed to life and both of us flinched at the screaming static.

“Bodhi?” Cassian said. “It’s been an hour. You wanted me to check on you, see if everything was okay.”

“Yes, everything’s fine.”

“So you’re on your way back?”

Bodhi hesitated. He glanced at me and bit the inside of his cheek but not before I saw the hint of a smile.

“Not yet,” he replied. “I’ll probably be another hour.”

“Is there a problem?”

“No, just a slight change of plans.”

“I’ll see you on base then.”

Bodhi switched the radio off and turned to me, a little hesitant.

“What are you up to, flyboy?” I said with a sideways look.

“It’s you and me out here,” he said. “No one to interrupt.”

“Yes...?”

He curled his fingers around the back of my neck as he kissed me, slow and soft, nothing but a taste if I wanted it. My eyebrows shot up. _Oh._ I could feel his hand shaking slightly against my skin, feel the shiver of his breath against my lips.

“Bodhi, if you’re nervous about this…”

“I’m not,” he said. “Well, I mean I _am_ , but…” He smiled with a faint laugh. “I might be curious too.”

I grinned. “I _knew_ it. I get to rub it in now, right?”

He laughed into my mouth, a mess of a kiss, skittish with the excitement of something new and yet familiar too, knowing we had each other to explore this uncharted territory with. I guided his hands beneath my shirt, splayed across my ribs, the same way he’d guided my hands over the control panel of the ship as he taught me to fly. First step, get his hands busy.

My back bumped against the console and a lever bit into my spine. I grimaced and Bodhi broke away.

“What’s wrong?” he said, immediately concerned.

“Nothing, Bodhi, it’s fine. The console isn’t exactly comfortable, that’s all.”

“If this isn’t a good idea, we don’t have to…”

I cut off his protest with a kiss, first to his mouth, then trailing along his jawline before I stood and pulled him out of the cockpit. As I took off his goggles and set them on the passenger seat beside me, he unbuttoned my shirt, his knuckles brushing against my skin with every slow, measured movement. His hands weren’t shaking anymore as he slid my shirt off and kissed my shoulder, his lips ghosting up the curve of my neck to place another kiss just below my ear.

His hands settled at my waist as he kissed his way down my body until he was kneeling in front of me. He took my boots off one at a time and I propped one hand on his shoulder for balance as my other hand smoothed through his hair. When his fingers tucked into my belt, he looked up at me.

I placed my hand against his cheek and smiled with a nod. “I haven’t changed my mind if you haven’t.”

He kissed my hip as he tugged my pants off and I kicked them away. He trailed his lips up the inside of my knee, so, so softly despite his sandpaper scruff. As he stood, I took his face in my hands and kissed him, tongue pressing his mouth open and dragging over his teeth until he whimpered, tipped forward on his toes. He hooked an arm around my waist, taking a step towards me to catch his balance, stopping himself with a hand against the wall. My hands slid away from his face, down the column of his throat, his pulse skittering beneath my fingertips before my hands ducked under his shirt, coasting up his stomach. He sucked in a breath and caught my wrist.

“You’re always so ticklish,” I said, brushing my nose against his.

“I never should have let you figure that out,” he muttered, but I could hear the teasing in his voice, the lightness in his tone.

“Like you could hide that from me, wearing your heart on your sleeve all the time.”

Before he could say anything more, I pushed his shirt up and over his head. My hands came to rest at the back of his neck, one finger tracing the shell of his ear, down the bridge of his nose and over his lips.

That thought was creeping in more and more these days, the one I had successfully managed to keep at bay for so long before Jyn brought it to my attention, looking for all the world like Bodhi was dead and she had to deliver the news. It made me stop in my tracks cold sometimes, like this, when he was warm and soft and real. _Alive._

Bodhi’s hands slid over my hips and hooked under my knees as he lifted me up, my ankles locked around his waist. My back settled against the ice cold metal of the ship and his fingers barely touched the side of my neck for reassurance.

I held his gaze as he slid so slowly into me, my thumb skimming over his chin. His fingers tightened against my thigh as his other hand slid from my neck, buried in my hair. He stayed motionless for nearly a full minute, his breath mingled with mine, and I was lost in the golden brown of his eyes, the feel of his skin shivering at my fingertips.

Then he pulled out and pushed into me again, still as slow and languid as the first time, and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, my hand cradling the back of his head as he kissed a line across my collarbones.

Bodhi never picked up his pace any faster than that, steadily bringing me to the edge with nothing but the stars around us, skin on skin, pulses racing and worries faded. When I looked at him and he looked back at me, there was only relief too deep for words to touch. But there was fear too,  on the hitch of Bodhi’s breath as he kissed me, not a nudge or a brush of his lips like he usually did, but swallowing me whole this time until I could only breathe him. The taste of that unwelcome, ever-present fear was sharp on his tongue slick on the roof of my mouth, the fear of losing me after losing so much in his life. My own fear mingled in too, of losing him when I had placed my heart in his hands and he’d kept it safe. But who would keep him safe in this endless galaxy with a sky so big and war so cruel?

As he sank deeper into me, my name kissed reverently over and over from his lips into my shoulder, my throat, my jawline, I felt a fragile hope tucked in the spaces between our ribs, the hope that war and old enemies wouldn’t crack our ribs open and splinter us into a thousand pieces. It was dangerous, harboring that trembling, terrifying little spark so close to the delicateness of our hearts. But when Bodhi’s gaze flicked up to me, when I felt him throb inside me, felt the firmness of his palms at the curve of my waist, he was the only reason that hope was there in the first place, burning impossibly bright like a star.

I came slowly at first then all at once when Bodhi didn’t stop, didn’t break his rhythm until I braced a hand against the ship’s ceiling, my head tipped back as his name fell from my lips, breathlessly soft in the loud silence of the unspoken. Bodhi surged into me one final time, his forehead pressed to my collarbone, my fingers locked in his hair. For a blissful moment, my world was only him and the stars, the insistent press of his fingertips, the feel of his mouth open and wet at the pulse in my throat, and the slide of his warm skin against mine.

Then he was easing both of us to the floor, stretching me out beneath him gently. He rested his head against my chest as his hands wandered up my back, smoothed down my side and over my hip.

“Told you I’d wear you down eventually, flyboy,” I said quietly.

He hummed. “With you, love, I knew it was only a matter of time.”

“And was it as bad as you thought it would be?”

“I’m not telling you that.”

“Why?”

“So you can rub it in? No.”

But I could feel his smile on my skin, the slightest catch in his ribs as he smothered his laughter. He propped himself up on an elbow and brushed a lock of my hair behind my ear with the back of his finger. And I couldn’t help but stare at Bodhi above me, the endless black of space and the glitter of stars stretched out behind him.

[][][]

It took exactly two months before K2 finally caught on. I was helping Bodhi with some faulty wiring in his flight computer when K2 approached. Bodhi sat at the console as he sorted through a mess of wires. I had a panel open by the door, testing half a dozen transistors to see which ones had burned out and needed to be replaced.

“I have been sent,” K2 said, “to ask if you need assistance in repairing the ship. Cassian would like it ready to leave within the hour.”

“What for?” Bodhi said.

“We are needed on a diplomatic mission to Bespin.”

“Why am I just hearing about this now?”

“I don’t have the necessary information to answer that question adequately and – “

K2 stopped, his gaze focused on the opposite side of the ship. He stepped past me and crossed to the row of passenger seats. As he bent over to retrieve something from beneath the seats, Bodhi cast a worried glance at me over K2’s shoulder but I shrugged.

K2 straightened up with my bra dangling from his fingers and even though he was incapable of expression, the gesture was a textbook example of _accusatory._

“Might this be yours?” he said, extending his arm towards me.

I snatched it as quickly as possible, wadded it up and stuffed it in my back pocket. He stared at me, waiting.

“What?” I said.

“I’m calculating explanations,” he said, “why such a personal article of clothing would be in this ship.”

I refused to look at Bodhi but I could practically feel the way he wasn’t breathing. 

“I must have dropped it or something,” I said. “Bodhi does give me a lift every once in a while when I have time off to visit my family.”

Bodhi made a small strangled noise at the same moment I realized my unintentional mistake. The image flashed across my mind before I could stop it, his hands on my hips as he picked me up, my back to the ship’s wall. _A lift._ Oh, I really shouldn’t have said that.

I closed my eyes and turned around, placed my hand on the ship, and willed this whole thing to be over ten minutes ago.

“I suppose that is possible,” K2 said, “but that wouldn’t account for –“

He broke off, glancing between Bodhi and me. Bodhi closed his eyes and bowed his head.

“You had sexual intercourse,” K2 said. “On this ship. That is the only explanation.”

“I just dropped –“ I said.

“This is a blatant violation of…” He shook his head. “Too many regulations. I’m telling Cassian.”

“No, K-Two, wait,” Bodhi called.

But K2 was out the door, striding across the docking bay. Bodhi scrambled from his seat to follow after him. I sighed and sat on the ship’s step at the door, waiting for the chaos to begin.

A few minutes later, Bodhi returned, his gaze focused on the floor and the fiercest blush blazing across his cheeks that I’d ever seen. I’d never made him so red before, all the way to the tips of his ears.

“Uh oh,” I whispered.

“Cassian already figured it out,” Bodhi mumbled, utterly mortified. “So did Chirrut. And Baze. The whole damn base, probably. K-Two is still incensed but Cassian stopped him from reporting us.”

I bit my lip and looked away to keep myself from laughing at Bodhi’s discomfort. I didn’t mean to, but he just looked so pitifully miserable.

“I can tell you’re laughing, love,” he said in a dry tone.

“I’m sorry, flyboy,” I said with an apologetic look. “I’m trying not to. I know you’re upset.”

“Not… _upset_ exactly. I guess I should have known better than to try and keep anything quiet around here.”

I held out my hand to him and he took it, settling onto the step next to me.

“You’re really, really cute when you blush though,” I said.

He groaned. This time I couldn’t stop the laughter that bubbled up my throat and I rested my head against his shoulder.

“Having second thoughts about putting up with me yet?” I said.

“Wouldn’t trade you for any world in the galaxy, love.”

“Even when I tease you?”

“Even then.”

“You’re so whipped, flyboy.”

He laughed as he toyed with my fingers and the blush faded. Keep him laughing. Keep his hands busy. And my flyboy would be just fine.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Bodhi needs all the cuddles and kisses :) Hope you liked it and feel free to leave a review, a prompt/request, or hit me up on tumblr @warqueenfuriosa to chat! *MUAH*


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